Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Few Good Men

FAQs about the Indian Defence Forces:
  • You guys get free stuff from the canteen, right?
  • Nice parties man!!
  • Why complain about the pay, as it is you get free rations, house, phone and transport
  • Is the booze free?
  • The last war was in 1971, so what does the army do at other times? Nice job... sit free, be home for lunch, and golf in the evenings. Life is one party.

Those are questions every defence kid has been asked several times over. And honestly, nothing could be further away from reality. Who is responsible for such a severe lack of information, or rather such widespread misinformation about our armed forces?

For starters, it's movies like Shaurya which command great critical acclaim, but paint the forces in a sorry light. For a moment I actually considered trashing Shaurya as a really pathetic rip-off of the classic- "Few Good Men". But this is a topic close to my heart and warrants a more serious view. As an ardent supporter of the armed forces and an army kid, I don't say that the army is the perfect organization, sans all faults.

But let me set some things straight:

  • No defence officer is allowed to smoke while in uniform
  • Brigadiers of the Indian Army DO NOT play golf at the LOC. Hell, they don't play golf in office hours at all
  • No one enters an army facility just by claiming to be some one's cousin
  • Agreed, drinks and army parties do go together. But no more than any party elsewhere in this country. And rarely do you find the kind of brazen drinking that you do at other corporate gigs.

Lest entertainment houses claim that their movies and portrayal of the forces is plain fiction, it's time we realize the responsibilities which come with the ability to reach the masses. Let us discuss real issues and probe possible solutions.

While we expect the media to play it's role with the responsibility it demands, what are the Armed Forces doing to ensure the circulation of factually correct information about themselves? The answer is a rather disappointing "Nothing".

The forces, with all their hierarchy, traditions and tried and tested theories, refuse to move with times. While the entire corporate world strives to create customer wow and strike a chord with employable talent via innovative engagement and awareness campaigns, the Army cries hoarse about shortage of officers and a declining national image.

In a hypothetical situation, is it that difficult to empower and necessitate formation commanders to contribute towards information dissemination about the forces. If it were one of the performance appraisal criteria, wouldn't the army, with all its "get-going" attitude, be able to drive awareness amongst the masses. Just speaking to school kids, teenagers, grown ups and under-grads could achieve a lot. And considering that these are the people who the Army aims to employ, doesn't it make sense to take on the main competitors- the corporates.

The media on its part reports every "Brigadier Booze" and "Ketchup Colonel" for days altogether, while the martyr or the astute administrator finds a mention(maybe) in some four liner, buried between spicy articles like "IPL Glory".

Its time the Armed Forces take the prerogative, adopt some policies from the corporate world and together with the media, provide accurate and timely info in the public domain. As one of the IT companies says, "Our aim is to provide 95% info, to 95% people, 95% of the time". Maybe the Armed Forces need to adopt the 95-95-95 principle too.

This post is a longer than average one, the topic is too personal to me to be able to cut it short. I invite your views on issues ranging from fake encounters, low salaries, corruption, lack of transparency, unfair promotion policies and other real issues which plague the Indian Defence Forces. A humble request here would be to discuss solutions too. While assigning blame is part of the natural process, solutions are what make the difference!! And a difference we will make.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

the a(u)nti(e) theory

its mostly me who appreciates my theories. and theories i've got plenty. but after validation from my two roomies(they may feature frequently in my blog, so u better memorize their names- aneesh and chandu), i've decided to post some of the more far reaching and world changing ones. the "aunty theory" is one which dwelves in human behaviour...or more aptly, behaviour of boys!! and in time, i'll link this to concepts like time and effort invested, return on investment, and depriciating value of "goods". so this should appeal to bankers and marketing guys alike.

Its called the aunty theory. ever noticed this hottie who u'd like to be friends with. nd all the effort that goes into that first intro. then the moment when u finally talk to her for the very first time. what a thrill!! in time, u become friends( and i'm speaking from the point of view that just friends is where it will remain).
Suddenly, shes not that great looking. Just a good looking friend. Is it just me or is it natural to just not find the hottie soooo hot nemore. Who turned down the heat..... nd thats the question from where it all began.
well....shes still the same. hot. and apparently there are still others who'll swear by that. everything else being constant, the only variable is that u now know her. nd that changes your perception of her? well..... YES. just knowing her removes the mystery. no mystery, no interest. so that hot chik u used to eye has suddenly become your good looking friend. damn this theory. cos its true. (the same happens when u loose hope. no hope, no interest. apply the above theory to the cute girl who gets married. the initial disappointment soon changes to "whoaaaaa, she looks like an aunty now!!!". funny how loss of hope leads to her being termed an auntie. poor girl. aneesh will vouch by this one. a day after i shared this thesis with him, he noticed its practical implications)

extrapolate this theory nd u'll know that life is doomed for all us guys. we can't hope of being with someone hot/cute/pretty/... forever. Cos temperature falls drastically (bad attempt to compare hot with temp) with increase in proximity. Now I know this doesn't read too well for the majority of the male population of the world. But being an optimist, I hope i'm one of the few who gets to take away others' hope by actually ending up with that someone who I find hot. And here is the light at the end of the tunnel..... technology helps in weird ways to control temperatures. Hail global warming. I guess I just stumbled on the topic of my next post.

Lemme know your views. Expected topics in the near future:
World Domination
Co-operate to dominate
Show and tell
Bad boss theory
Data warehousing and mining- preventing terrorism
MBA-to do or not to do

and guys, please recommend more topics. I'm good at sharing gyaan. Let me know what you want me to write about. Please don't say "Stop Writing". I'll make it better in time :)